Parody of “When Giants Walked”, words and music by
and other parodies, see
This parody was sung by Acacia Sears on Roundworm
Parody lyrics ©3/5/94 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Parody of “When Giants Walked”, words and music by Kathy Mar
For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com
I finally finished this travesty at Consonance 1994, and coincidentally, when I got home and read Xenofilkia #34, I noticed that it has two excellent serious parodies of the same song. (Now I’m fighting off the temptation to write a once-removed parody using the line When leather-bound was something real ...)
Before primeval was the past, when fairy tales grew very tall,
The giants were not gentlemen in watching where their feet would fall.
So heavy and so clumsy and so mountainous in size,
That walking with a giant was unwise.
Before primeval was the past, mythology was something real,
And swimming holes were markings made by someone’s size six hundred heel,
And giants used to square dance ’round our dwellings on the shore,
And now we cannot dwell there anymore.
There must have been a nightmare place
In that old time the Earth once saw:
A place that every kind of creature
Held in superstitious awe.
Where fools and wise men feared to tread.
Where even angels balked.
Where giants walked.
Before primeval was the past, the giants staggered drunk each night,
And all the rare and special beasts stopped in their tracks and froze in fright.
By the time the giants saw them it was usually too late,
And that was how some species met their fate.
Before primeval was the past, they often made a giant error:
As furry creatures scurried off, and little children fled in terror,
The giants made a shambles of department stores and trees,
And often toppled chimneys with their knees.
But now primeval is the past, and some things should be left unwoken.
The difference that you’ll notice now is how your bones remain unbroken.
Unlike ants who creep inside the cracks we haven’t caulked,
We needn’t watch for where the giants walked.
And since primeval is the past, I hope it’s not reborn anew,
Or else if I don’t watch my step, they’ll scrape me off some giant shoe,
And leave behind so fine a grind my mom won’t know my face.
The big primeval giants had no grace.