Parody of “Velvet”, words and music by
Talis Kimberley
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Parody lyrics ©1994-09-09 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Inspired during Kathy’s annual mini-convention, Sunday morning, the day after hearing original for first time, twice. Inspired the next morning while listening to Dead Bunny Pancakes screaming in next room.
She has the practiced ear of a music lover.
He wears the glassy stare of a baseball fan.
She warms the tape deck up and removes the cover
Of her favorite tape with a loving hand.
She wears no headphone gear to restrain her pleasure.
Her speakers drown out his T.V.
(Chorus)
| Chorus: |
She puts on Velveteen a second time. Drives her lover out of his mind. She puts on Velveteen which grates on his nerves. It’s far worse torture than he deserves. She puts on Velveteen again from the top. She doesn’t pause and she doesn’t stop. She repeats the song until he dreads each line. When she puts on Velveteen For the second time. |
She stalks with a quiet tread, just like Jack the Ripper’s,
So soft, he never knows she’s there.
The silent soles sewn onto her bunny slippers,
Make not a sound on the vacant stair.
She hits a switch and the tape snaps backward.
Each time it’s done, she thumbs Rewind .
(Chorus)
He stomps down to the room where the music’s blaring.
It’s turned so loud she does not hear.
He grabs the tape, which he smashes, swearing:
The tenth cassette he’s destroyed this year.
There’s plenty more, plus CD’s and records.
And also, quite enough on reel-to-reel.
(Chorus)