Parody of “The Black Unicorn”, words and music by
Heather Alexander
For
more information
and other parodies, see
www.songworm.com
Reprinted from
Songworm 2
This parody was sung by
Heather Alexander
on
Tapeworm 1
Parody lyrics ©1988-05-24 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
I am he you stick on your window-pane.
I am he that haunts your days.
I am he that maidens once sought in vain.
Long dead, and now the latest craze.
When you get letters from your friends,
Each page of them I will adorn.
My reign of cuteness never ends:
I am the white unicorn.
My horn of silvery tinsel is honed.
My shoulders bear butterfly wings.
I am the teddy bear you never owned.
I am the song the Smurfs all sing.
One look into my big brown eyes,
No deeper than a children’s poem.
Adults are so quick to hypnotize:
You’ll buy me and you’ll take me home.
My coat is white as the purest snow.
My face is too cute to hide.
Prison me not in that box with a bow;
I’m scared it may be dark inside.
Oh, what a cruel blow you have dealt:
You gave me to a child of three.
Her heart’s too pure and will not melt,
And she is as cute as me!
I am he that’s stuck to a candy cane,
Off-white, and with a bright blue patch.
I am he, with chocolate smeared through my mane.
By gosh, I think I’ve met my match.
How could you leave me in her care,
Mistreated and forlorn?
Her grubby hands clenched in my hair:
One shabby white unicorn.