Parody of “Wanderer”, words and music by
Leslie Fish
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Parody lyrics ©2021-04-04 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Travelers (Showcase/Netflix TV series, 2016-19). Limited spoilers for Season 1 (first half of Ep 1, one scene at end of Ep 2, character development from Ep 4).
Who’s this running ’round the track?
A young man, looking pleased.
A new delight in foods,
And sudden expertise.
So wise and kind, not acting tough.
He’s very young. He’s very buff.
He still may have lived long enough
To earn five PhDs.
| Chorus: |
Always give aid to travelers Numbering high or low. Always give aid to travelers: You don’t know what they know. |
The Girl Scout knocking at the door
Redirects your plans:
New tech to be built,
Terse warnings and commands.
Memorize all that she will say:
Coordinates and time of day,
Then buy some Thin Mints anyway
As protocol demands.
At least that's what you tell yourself.
| Chorus: |
Always give aid to travelers Numbering high or low. Always give aid to travelers: You don’t know what they know. |
Not quite your textbook team, here.
Take the other three:
The first-grade-level reader with the medical degree.
The one who calls her sitter when planning an attack.
The kid with perfect recall when he’s not strung out on smack.
What could make these five hang out?
No common thread at all.
They never had met before
’Til each had a close call.
What comes after, they won’t tell.
Hinting at a living hell.
But if they did their mission well
It won’t turn out the same
| Chorus: |
Always give aid to travelers Numbering high or low. Always give aid to travelers: You don’t know what they know. You don’t know what they know. |
(The show doesn't mention the organization the girl at the door represents or the type of cookie, because they obviously didn't want to deal with the fact that Girl Scouts® and Thin Mints® are registered trademarks of Girl Scouts of the USA. She could have been from any organization in the U.S. that has girls wear uniforms and sell boxes of cookies. But there's something about being specific that makes the line funnier. I also took minor poetic license with that verse: It's not how that scene played out, as it happened, but it could have, if Traveler 3468 had come home half an hour earlier and if the message had been a more typical one.)