Parody of “Making Love Out of Nothing At All”, words and music by
Jim Steinman
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Reprinted from
Songworm 1
Parody lyrics ©1987-03-17 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Inspired by Diana Gallagher Wu’s classic musical treatise on the subject, A Reconsideration of Anatomical Docking Maneuvers in a Zero-Gravity Environment. Whereas Ms.~Wu takes a more scientific view, this is from a more personal perspective. The group I always heard performing the original is called Air Supply, which may have helped to suggest the connection.
| I | G learn | ed to drink my water |
| From a | Em tube | and not a cup. |
| I | C learned | to swallow weightlessly |
| And then I | D learned | to not throw up. |
I’ve learned to brew my coffee,
And to make a tea bag steep.
I’ve learned to put my clothes on right,
And I’ve learned the way to sleep.
And I’ve learned to sail the tubeways,
And how not to touch the wall.
And not to jump three meters
When you brush me in the hall.
And I know we’re out in orbit,
And I know we just learned to fly.
And the thing we should be learning is the way to ease the yearning
that builds up in all these months in the sky!
And I know the laws of Newton.
A solution must exist.
I know all the rules, and I’m real good at math’matics,
but I shouldn’t need a slide rule for this!
| But I | C don’t | know how to | F love | C you |
| Under | F zero | - | G G | free | Am fall | . |
| No, I | Em don’t | know how to | G do | it: |
| C Mak | ing love, | D weig | hing nothing at | G all | . |
| C Eve | ry time I see you all the | D tides | of the Sun |
| Will keep | G nudg | ing you away from my | C hands | . |
| And every | Am star | in the skies will try to | D tug | at your thighs |
| Like a | Em mag | net. |
That harness I was issued might help, but it’s lost,
And I need it for a lover like you.
Why, just vibrations from the beat of my heart
| Will tend to send our | G bod | ies bouncing further | C apart |
| And | Am every | thing I’ve learned |
| Isn’t | C help | ing me to hold on to | G you | ! |
I can make a perfect takeoff.
I can make the shuttle dock.
And make unpowered landings under hurricane winds
on a landing field covered with rock.
I can make you weightless flapjacks,
And I can make a perfect spherical soufflÂŽ.
And I can get into my pants and do both legs at one time
and still not let all my loose change float away.
But I’m never gonna get into your pants,
Not in zero-G free fall.
’Cause I’m never gonna learn how to do it:
Making love, weighing nothing at all.
(Chords from Eli Goldberg, who says they are very sketchy. This is in serious need of getting proofed. )
