Parody of “Ascot Gavotte”, words by
Alan Jay Lerner
, music by
Frederick Loewe
For
more information
and other parodies, see
www.songworm.com
Parody lyrics ©2026-03-05 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Like the original, the whole joke is to sing this unemotionally, belying the words. It’s from the point of view of the Vulcan spectators observing Spock’s fight to the death with Kirk.
The betrothed one in pon farr is here.
His best friend from that far star is here.
What a thrilling matchup for a killing
Ritualistic koon-ut-kal-if-fee.
On the sand a blood-lust-driven
battle’s playing out for us to see.
Such a brutal, arguably feudal
custom is the koon-ut-kal-if-fee.
Pulses, rushing.
Ear tips, flushing.
Passion, soaring.
Anguish and excitement, warring.
Any second now,
One will lie there dead.
Hark, a weapon shattered, shirt in tattered slices; look:
His wound bleeds red.
(spoken: Fascinating.)
Then the frenzied, cruel finale,
Choking him to death with no referee.
What a chilling climax to a thrilling
Instance of the koon-ut-kal-if-fee.