Ja_undiced

Reprinted from Songworm 2

Parody of “Haunted”, words and music by Brenda Sutton

For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com
Parody lyrics ©1989-09-08 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

It was

Em great

in the beginning, in the

Am ear

ly stage of love.

Never

D mind

it was with a ghostly man I never

Am saw

the body of.

But I’ve

Em come

to see right through him:  he’s a

Am good

-for-nothing slob.

He

D nev

er helps me around the house, and he

Am will

not get a

Em job

.

And someone’s

Em snor

ing.  Someone’s belching.

Someone’s

Am shoes

are on the stair.

Someone’s

G steal

ing all the blanket.

Someone’s

D smoke

hangs in the air.

Someone

Em leaves

the seat up

Am in

the john

And

Em clogs

the sink with

Am hair

.

And

D when

I turn to scold someone

Am

No one’s

Em there

.

There’s a

Em por

trait in the bedroom of a

Am rich

and lazy man

Who was

D ne

ver asked to do any work; I’m not

Am sure

he even can.

He had

Em half

a dozen servants from the

Am mo

ment of his birth.

So he

D ne

ver lifted a finger in the

Am short

time he plagued the

Em earth

.

And someone’s snoring.  Someone’s belching.
Someone’s shoes are on the stair.
Someone’s stealing all the blanket.
Someone’s smoke hangs in the air.
Someone leaves the seat up in the john
And clogs the sink with hair.
And when I turn to scold someone,
No one’s there.

When I’d

Em bake

a batch of cookies, someone’d

Am make

them disappear

Much

D fast

er and with far more crumbs than if

Am on

ly I were here.

When it was

Em time

to clean the cookie pan,

he was

Am ne

ver there, by gosh!

And one

D day

I found his laundry piled

Am up

for me to

Em wash

.

And someone’s snoring.  Someone’s belching.
Someone’s shoes are on the stair.
Someone’s stealing all the blanket.
Someone’s smoke hangs in the air.
Someone leaves the seat up in the john
And clogs the sink with hair.
And when I turn to scold someone,
No one’s there.

Then one

Em day

I knew I’d had it:  I was

Am tir

ed of the louse.

And I

D swore

I’d send him packing   let him

Am haunt

another house!

I boxed

Em up

his stupid portrait; sent it

Am  air

mail, C.O.D.

Then I

D called

a local exorcist, locked him

Am out

, and burned the

Em key

.

Now no one’s

Em snoring

.  No one’s belching.

No one’s

Am shoes

are on the stair.

No one’s

G stealing

all the blanket.

No one’s

D smoke

hangs in the air.

No one

Em leaves

the seat up

Am in

the john

And

Em clogs

the sink with

Am hair

.

I

D ne

ver need to scold someone

Am

No one’s

Em there

.

But I

Em found

, for some strange reason, I was

Am in

a nervous state.

I felt

D quea

sy every morning, and I

Am start

ed gaining weight.

It was

Em near

ly nine months later I at

Am last

discovered why,

When

D I

awoke one morning to hear

Am some

one’s baby

Em cry

.

Now someone’s

Em whin

ing.  Someone’s bawling.

Someone’s

Am toys

are on the stair.

Someone’s

G steal

ing all the cookies.

Someone’s

D di

aper fouls the air.

Someone

Em plays

with paper

Am in

the john

And

Em cru

elly pulls my

Am hair

.

And

D when

I turn to scold someone

Am

No one’s

Em there

.