Parody of “Here's A Health To The Company”, words and music
traditional
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Parody lyrics ©2012-01-24 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
My comrades and brethren, before we attack,
Come fill up your plate with a good juicy snack.
Come fill up your plate so your hunger’s decreased.
Meat is back on the menu, and now we shall feast.
| Chorus: |
So here’s a health to Lord Saruman, and one to my orc. Let us drink, and eat Merry, all sharing one fork. Let us drink, and eat Merry, all hunger avert. But you mustn’t touch Pippin; save him for dessert. |
Here’s a health to the progeny a wizard designed:
My stalwart companions who march close behind.
Such trustworthy comrades as these are quite few,
If I had half a halfling, I’d share half with you.
(Chorus)
His feet are quite meaty, though gristly to chew.
They’re ready to eat, no removing a shoe.
But if you should mind that they’re coated with dirt,
You can start from the shoulder and tear off his shirt.
(Chorus)
Here’s a knife for his abdomen, and one for his throat.
Like rabbits, these Hobbits are lightweight to tote.
Their capture’s a prelude to Saruman’s plan,
Just a wee appetizer for our quest to serve Man.
(Chorus)
Let us fight side by side now, whatever our fate.
If both of us live, then we’ll feast from one plate.
But if in the morning I find that you fell,
Then I pledge that my platter shall serve you as well.
(Chorus)
To “Byker Hill”:
If I had another halfling, I would slay another elf,
Stuff them with a dwarf and make
A fine turducken for myself.
To the chorus of “The Firebird” (Lackey/Mar):
Half a maiden, half a bird
Half a hobbit, thinly sliced
Dragon blood, reduced and stirred
Roasted rumps of seven knights
Phoenix wings on lowest flame
Tenderloin of unicorn
Dash of dwarf with wild game
Lightly grill and serve it warm.