Parody of “Swing the Cat”, words and music by
Meg Davis
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Parody lyrics ©2023-09-08 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Only one chorus, at the end, and don’t announce the title beforehand. That’s what I recommend, at least if the audience is hearing the song for the first time. Adjust if circumstances vary; if almost everyone already knows the “punchline” and the room is in need of a singalong, that’s different.
It was just ten weeks later when I heard the captain swear,
“All these cats are out of hand;
They’ve gotten everywhere!”
They were ripping up the rigging
They were shedding on the sheets.
We kept tripping over kittens pouncing at our feet.
“What can we do?” cried the sailors as the cats began to spray.
“Alter course so we can reach the nearest port today.
Every man go ashore if you want to earn your grog
Only this time search the alleys looking for a dog!”
Out we all fled from those terrors of the seas,
Nursing scratches, short on sleep, and some with allergies.
Three hundred sailors in this fitting but belated epilogue,
And every saucy sailor sure he found a dog.
Not just one dog, each was able to find oodles.
There were Great Danes and retrievers.
There were Pekingese and poodles.
When the cats saw us coming sure they all began to yowl,
“Guess our gravy train has ended; they’ve got dogs here now!”
Well, we let our pooches loose on that caterwauling horde,
And the cats ran to port and bounded overboard.
They all landed on their feet, with dogs barking from the rail.
Then they feigned complete disinterest when we hoisted sail.
With the pooches standing dog watch we are such a happy crew.
And the dogs do half the hoisting so there’s much less work to do.
If a cat catches two fish he will give you both the heads,
And he’ll have a little fun before the fish are dead.
| Chorus: |
Fling it far when it’s swung. Never let it get your tongue. Once the cat’s out of the bag it’s very hard to catch. We must batten down the ship, Every latch and bolt and clip, We can keep out the whole batch If we can dog the hatch.. |