Unforeseen Circumstances

Parody of “Evil Laugh”, words and music by Seanan McGuire

For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com
Parody lyrics ©2009-03-06 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

Mash-up with  Prometheus  by Mark Bernstein (after Michelle Dockrey)

Vixy (Michelle Dockrey) unwittingly started a spate of Classical fan-fic by writing a Persephone/Hades ’ship song (recorded on Thirteen). Mark Bernstein wrote a parody of it about Prometheus and the eagle. Prometheus, of course, was the Titan punished by Zeus for open-sourcing the gods’ intellectual property. Mark noted that he was also known for his foresight, and speculated that he planned the whole thing and got exactly what he wanted. But while he noted Zeus’s amorous avian advances in his bridge (along with other precedents for interspecies couplings in the Classics), what he didn’t tell you was that Zeus had a history of turning into an eagle the same purpose. Look up Ganymede in Wikipedia. (I especially like the painting by the 17th Century fan artist Rubens.) With that canonical fact in mind, I decided to follow up on the slashy implications.

So you tried to raise my ire, making off with that fire
Without asking my okay.
For an eagle-loving masochist, that’s totally Classic,
’Cause you knew I’d make you pay.

You had thought,  That bird’s the one for me,
Though some might think it’s gross.
One way to win him, I foresee:
Teach the mortals to make toast.
I guess you didn’t look too close.

Chorus: My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Caw, caw, caw, caw, DINE!
Your spirit may be willing, but your flesh is now all mine!
Your kinky and bestial obsession made you into an Olympic sport.
My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Caw, caw, caw, caw, DINE!

Your permanent suspension gets my personal attention:
Always liked a front-row seat.
And the fact that you’re immortal means your torso will afford all
The fresh liver I can eat.

But your liver’s all I want to eat.
I’ll pass on loins and thighs.
Do eagles stop at organ meat?
It should not be a surprise
If you should ever recognize:

Chorus: My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Caw, caw, caw, caw, DINE!
You will never get away, so it’s better not to whine!
Your kinky and bestial obsession made you into an Olympic sport.
My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Caw, caw, caw, caw, DINE!

Your liver’s moist and warm.  Time to feed.
I knew you’d dig this form; it worked for Ganymede.
I’m pretty sure that you heard that I was a shape-shifter.
Between a Greek god and a bird, which partner did you prefer?
If this hadn’t been your desire, you wouldn’t have swiped that fire.
My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Claw, claw, peck, peck, DINE!

You won’t need any stitches, but I’ll bet that it itches
When you stew in your own juice.
Call it vile and malicious, but your bile was delicious.
Glad you gave me an excuse.

Because now you know just how it feels
To love so much it hurts.
And every time the damage heals
I tug until it spurts.
Then it’s time for just desserts. 

Chorus: My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Caw, caw, caw, caw, DINE!
The portions are titanic and the flavor is divine!
Your kinky and bestial obsession made you into an Olympic sport.
My laugh is an eagle’s laugh:  Caw, caw, caw, caw, 
Caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, caw, DINE!