The Slippery Slopes of Pluto

Parody of “I'm Your Moon”, words and music by Jonathan Coulton

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Parody lyrics ©2015-10-22 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

The original has been interpreted as an allegory for a public policy controversy circa 2008, and agree it works well for that. This is my attempt at a nuanced take on the written Supreme Court opinions later. The majority's reasoning can be paraphrased as "we have previously found that society would fall apart if people in reproductive relationships didn't get married, and now we find that society would fall apart unless everyone gets married", and being single I take exception to that.

They used us as a symbol.
That’s what I heard.
They think we're a couple
And we’re defined by human words.
Still, as long as we’re going there,
I must point out there's one thing they forgot:

Chorus: I’m your moon.
He’s your moon.
So is she and those two.
What on Earth would be slippery slopes are bedrock here.
Count on us
To be right here beside you through the years.

They just picked out a number.
That’s what they do.
Unsupported by logic,
Just ’cause their hearts can’t count past two.
They decide what they feel is right.
Never mind that the laws have not caught up.


Unelected attorneys
Seem to find it clear:
Written words of the founders
Can grant new rights with every year.
All the people are, like, so what?
All that matters is who got what they want.