Parody of “Under the Gripping Beast”, words and music by
Cat Faber
For
more information
and other parodies, see
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Parody lyrics ©2021-09-29 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
In a book with pages paper-thin, each infinitely light,
Is somewhere printed each and every song I’d like to write.
But who produced this tome containing all of human thought?
Some vast inhuman power: I need scarcely mention what:
| Chorus: |
A simian typing pool wrote every brilliant song, But far more inept and random ones if ever I choose wrong. I found a nice near-miss, so should I polish this or not? I’ll search for one more hour, then I’ll go with what I’ve got. |
I sat there, that first evening, the book upon my lap.
Unsorted with no index. How I wished it were an app!
The first five hundred pages were an utter waste of time.
But then I found one gripping piece that scanned but didn’t rhyme.
Another page both rhymed and scanned and told a touching tale,
It could have been my masterpiece except for one detail:
A dozen made-up words to make the rhymes work in the song:
Enough to choke a jabberwock; I had to move along.
I found one crafty sonnet that was written tongue-in-cheek.
A dozen lines were perfect but the ending very weak.
A later version ended with a strong and clever pun.
I slept but half an hour for a year to find that one.
There’s one song I rejected for one word that didn’t fit.
I found the page correcting that; took years to locate it.
I sacrificed my day job and my heath to find that page,
And finally released it at a feeble older age.
I took one page of gibberish, not any language known
And on a whim I polished it until it was my own.
As much as any other it has earned me fame and praise.
I rewrote every word three times. It only took three days.