Parody of “Threes”, words by
, music by
and other parodies, see
Reprinted from Songworm 1
This parody was sung by Leslie Fish on Tapeworm 3
Parody lyrics ©10/14/87 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.
Parody of “Threes”, words by Mercedes Lackey , music by Leslie Fish
For more information and other parodies, see www.songworm.com
|curve that an||E|
|hes where the||F|
|things it might||Am|
|: a rock that||C|
|dered out of||E|
|to wreak dest||C|
|on, or a||Am|
A special space probe’s instruments show Rama’s shape and size.
Its artificial nature is the cause of much surprise.
But when the thing has traveled through the void so long and far,
How could it have been chance that aimed it this close to a star?
Of three things be wary: of the comet with no tail,
The rock that is symmetric, and the driftwood with a sail.
Endeavor’s crew will be the first and last ones to arrive.
She’s had to drain three sister ships for fuel to feed her drive.
They land her near the axis on which Rama slowly wheels,
And find three ways to enter, each with triple airlock seals.
Three doors lead inside: into a dark and silent tomb,
A race of friendly space folk, or a swift and unknown doom.
Three thousand square kilometers to cover in three weeks:
A hopeless task until one knows just what it is one seeks.
So three men from Endeavor’s crew are chosen for the job,
To find a race to welcome or a frozen grave to rob.
Three men stand a better chance in case of an attack:
There’s one to die, and one to run, and one to guard his back.
The first one is a teacher, as traditions now demand.
The cautious, tough first officer is perfect for command.
The navigator goes with him to face the great unknown,
For these two men are partners in a trio of their own.
Three things keep a man from misplaced bravery and pride:
His Earthbound wife and child, and the lover at his side.
When landing parties first traverse the ship’s enormous hull,
They find that Rama’s lifeless; it’s mysterious but dull.
But then the first faint stirrings of a cyclone start to blow,
And ice around them shatters as it’s melted from below.
Three things that are Raman must be watched as they get hot:
The wind that blows, the ice that cracks, and the noodles in a pot.
At length the humans peer out on the world left by the storm,
And find it rich it oxygen and comfortably warm.
They meet outlandish creatures that they know weren’t there before,
And wonder if perhaps they’re not in Kansas anymore.
Three things can make life: a plant with pollen on the breeze,
An egg with sperm, and Rama, with its own primeval seas.
The cliffs will keep the southern plain forever unexplored,
Despite the salty sailor that the survey has on board,
Until a crewman’s crossing in his one-man flight machine,
Which ends in a triathlon like no Olympic’s seen.
Three things he deserves: a bronze for riding skilled and bold,
A silver for cross-country, and the high dive gets the gold.
The Ramans tap the Sun three times and promptly disappear,
Without a sign they knew the human race was even here.
But no one can believe it was the one ship of its kind.
What little that we know of them leaves one thought in our mind:
Three things come in threes: the meals your mother used to cook,
The spacecraft built by Ramans, and a science fiction book.