Plain Paper Fax

Parody of “Sunflower Love”, words by Kathy Mar , music by Mary Ellen Wessels

For more information and other parodies, see
Parody lyrics ©1991-10-18 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

I’d been listening to the radio a lot, in the hopes of writing parodies of a few mundane songs. This particular radio station prides itself on less repetition, which unfortunately applies only to the songs, not to the commercials. So I internalized the commercials instead of the songs, and this is the result:

All the figures I had ordered
Melted when I rubbed one word away.
Paper that’s been candy-coated
Can’t survive the office of today.
I’m so tired of fax-paper hassles!
Sticky, curly plastic it’s made of.
Why can’t I convince the boss to
Buy a new machine with
Plain paper fax...

Tried to make a photocopy.
Had to wait until the line had waned.
When the camera flash had faded,
Only wax confetti shreds remained.
This expensive fax paper garbage
Has no advantage I can see.
Could we try a newer model?
Will you buy a
Plain paper fax for me?

Plain paper, fax paper:  both are fine to use.
Soft finish, slime coating:  how is one to choose?
One page, a brief message
Brought me to my knees.
Plain paper fax...

Here’s a ream of plain paper.
Trade it for these toilet paper guys.
Treat the staff to softer texture.
Set the fax to wait for their replies.
You were stuck on fax paper habits
You’d retain the old familiar way.
But when you relent tomorrow,
You’ll recall I told you so today.

Plain paper, fax paper:  both are fine to use.
Soft finish, slime coating:  how is one to choose?
One page, a brief message
Brought you to your knees.
Plain paper fax...
Plain paper fax...