Deathwish of Hygiene

Reprinted from Songworm 2

Parody of “Starship and Haiku”, words and music by Kathy Mar

For more information and other parodies, see
Parody lyrics ©1990-04-29 by Bob Kanefsky. All rights reserved. The copyright of the original lyrics and music remain with the holder(s) of the original copyright.

I wasn’t the first to mishear flaw as fly in the original, and I’m not the first to start a parody of it that way. The fact that I wrote this at Kathy’s house is in no way a reflection on the state of her kitchen at the time.

I am the fly in the tea ball; I will not taste good.
I would not be here if you’d washed it, the way that you should.
Yesterday’s roast has been tossed in the sink to decay.
See the cold grease, where it pools in the drain.
See the mold reach, like a slow spreading stain.
See the roast rot where it’s bound to remain
One more day.

Deathwish of hygiene:
Jellied Joy and drying Dove,
Lost behind the scum.

Deathwish of hygiene:
One vast, foul reminder of
All you should have done.

I am the blood in the woodgrain; I cannot be cleaned.
I am the tinge of tomato, the stench of sardine.
I am the festering food in the fridge at the front.
Dried-out dessert on a shelf in the door.
Rancid ricotta it’s wrong to ignore.
Spoiled spaghetti you solemnly swore
You would want.

Deathwish of hygiene.
Crumbled biscuits, butter-clad:
Remnants of a snack.

Deathwish of hygiene.
If you thought the front was bad,
You should see the back
... (Ack!)